Declaration of Brand Independence

I wrote this a while ago, adapted from a laborers declaration of independence in Howard Zinn’s “A peoples history of the united states”.

Many wonderful things have been written about this book. I will add my two cents into the collective hat and say that it really struck me.


Im not going to say thats what she said. but seriously thats what she said. fuck. there goes any legitimacy this post may have started with.

I love the concept of squandering good faith. I have watched many people do it, and when that transition happens…. that is TRUE poetry. The fall from grace. It is a statue, once proud and mighty, now toppled. crumbled across a busy street full of people cheering for a new era. The image of the fallen statue is still powerful, but in another way. It is no longer a reminder of some sort of indomitable will, it is now a reminder of the fleeting nature of life. How statues and kings fade from glory to rememberance to whispers and nothingness. The transformation of mountains intoto pebbles and eventually into dust.

There is a classic simpsons episode when Ralph is trying to get Lisa to be his girlfriend. The “I choo choo choose you (and theres a picture of a train!) episode. Ralph gets Lisa to go out with her by offering her tickets to The Krusty Anniversary Special. Lisa doesn’t like Ralph, but she can’t help but agree to go out of a love for Krusty. So as they are at the special, Ralph thinks he’s got this one in the bag. This girl is on a date with him, practically a home run. Except Lisa is only using Ralph. And when Krusty comes into the audience, he asks Ralph if Lisa is his girlfriend.

Krusty the Klown: Is this your girlfriend, Ralph?
Ralph Wiggum: Yes, she is. I love Lisa Simpson, and when I grow up I’m going to marry her.
Lisa: [erupting] Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! Now you listen to me! I don’t like you, I never liked you, and the only reason I gave you that stupid valentine is because nobody else would!

The next scene is of bart replaying the moment on a videotape, rewinding the part right where you can see ralphs heart break.

Bart: Watch this, Lis. You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half.
[he advances the tape in slow motion]
Bart: And… now!
[on the tape, Ralph gives a little whimper; Lisa groans]

That little moment. That’s what i’m talking about. I live for that moment because i have felt it so many times. It is such a universal human tie. The anxiety of awaiting an outcome. The moment when you think you have it all. And the feeling of your stomach tying itself in the strongest sailors knot possible as you process the reality of your worst anticipated outcome unfolding before your very eyes.

It might not seem like this has much to do with a delcaration of independence. But in the way that all of lifes absurdities are connected, i feel the emotion of realizing total failure and loss might be a good preamble for a new declaration.

eitherway, i read this little declaration in zinn’s book and it seemed to me something that could have been written 200 years ago or 200 seconds ago. So i rearranged words and added new ones and voila. The magic of the remix lives on.


Declaration of Brand independence

The present system has enabled the corporations to make laws in their own interests to the injury and oppression of the consumers.

It has made the name Democracy, for which our forefathers fought and died, a mockery and a shadow, by giving to corporations an unproportionate amount of representation and control over Legislation.

It has secured government aid, inland grants and money loans, to selfish corporations, who, by monopolizing means of consumption are enabled to swindle both the producer and consumer.

It has presented to the world the absurd spectacle of a unwinnable war for the abolition of terrorism while the majority of the population, frightened and exploited, are compelled to suffer under a galling and humiliating bondage of meaningless servitude in pursuit of endless consumption.

It has allowed the 10% of the world population, to appropriate 85% of the entire wealth of the world.

It has therefore prevented humans from fulfilling their natural destinies on earth-crushed out ambition, prevented marriages or caused false and unnatural ones-has shortened human life, destroyed morals and fostered crime, corrupted judges, ministers, and officials, shattered confidence, love and honor among humans, and made life a selfish, merciless struggle for existence, instead of a noble and generous struggle for perfection, in which equal advantages should be given to all, and human lives relieved from an unnatural and degrading competition for bread.

We, therefore, the consumers of the free market systems of the world, in digital assembly, do solemnly publish and declare…

that we are absolved from all allegiance to the existing brands of this world, and that as free and independent thinkers we shall endeavor to acquire the full power to make our own decisions based on unbiased, informed, and logical informational sources, supporting no organization without ethics, and purchasing no product without thought to the contributions of those who profit. acknowledging no duties without rights, and no rights without duties. And for support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the assistance and cooperation of all the consumers,
we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our means, and our sacred honor.


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