today i saw the scarriest and most insane mannequin i have ever fucking seen. i do have a picture, but my cord is upstairs, and i HAVE to unload this dream i had last night. first time in a while i wrote down a dream after having it. and it was mos def worth the scribblage. anyways, i swear i really had this, and nothing is imbellished, if anything i left some good stuff out because i couldnt really figure out where it would fit in. so here goes:
LAST NIGHTS DREAM.
I am standing in front of my parents house in chico. i am all alone and looking down the street, as if waiting for something. a mysterious wind begins to blow. scary cars with demonic ornaments and designs begin to wiz down the street past me. i suddenly realize that if i jump on the correct car, i will be able to enter into an episode of the television show “Tales from the crypt keeper”. The correct car being the crypt keeper himself’s whip. This seems like a really good idea to me at the time. I jump onto the right car, the crypt keepers car. Its a sort of horseless carridge made out of bones, with a bed in the middle. A doll resembling the crypt keeper lies in state. I throw the doll out the bone mobile and i lay in the bed.
a sort of magic beins to fill the air. I jump out of the bed and the real crypt keeper appears in the bed, doing his classic laugh and head nod. he i wearing a spandex american flag tank top, and whipping himself on his back, like the guy from the davinchi code. (ed note:i have no fucking idea here people, im just the messenger of my mind) Anyways, so hes wearing this olympic spandex number, and whipping himself, sitting upright in the bone mobile, which is now wizzing through infinity at a thousnd miles per hour (think warp drive). he is creepy, but in a different way than on the show. not terrifing, just mind boggling.
So the crypt keeper beings talking at this point. He tells me that ive been thinking about luck too much. I ask him if this is a bad thing, and he says no, just that it doesnt exist, and worrying about it is a waste of time.
Next beings a succession of vignettes, the order of which i can only partly recall. The first one i remember:
I am in a surburban home. It is not my own. I am sitting on a couch and i recieve a phone call from my dad (who in this scene is not my dad in real life.) he sort of looks like a guy who would be in a commercial for erectile disfunction. like a bland bald bob saget. anyways, dad not dad asks me a question and i respond. Dad wishes me goodbye, and as he hangs up, i am now watching him from the third person, though not really there. He is in a phone booth outside of some sort of beach resort or country club. A man walks up to dad and remarks that the answer i gave to the question he asked me was a lie. Dad is in disbelief.
I am standing at the scene of the previous conversation, but no one is around.
I am in some sort of line to get into the aformentioned country club, and i see a middle aged man talking to a girl i know who works at wells fargo. I end up talking to the girl as if we have never met, and soon we are inside the country club, in a sort of courtyard. The courtyard is empty, and there is a savage river going through the middle.
The fresh prince and jazzy jeff are suddenly with me and the bank girl, looking at the river. A radio sitting on a table tells jazz about 5 storm warnings, and a typhoon warning that are coming. We all start to cross the river on a ragged raft, and we all end up falling in. I am at the bottom of a river, and i cannot swim up. It feels as if hands are holding my arms and legs at the bottom of the river.I escape, and find fresh and jazz have had similar experiences. i jump in to save wells fargo girl.
I am sitting at a table with tom waits. The scene is quiet. It is morning, and we are drinking coffee and eating bread. I ask the waitress for some jam, and she brings me a nice delicious looking marmalade and some butter. I start to butter the bread, and marmalade up the bread. It looks like heaven. I remark to tom
“Dont you just love it when you ask for butter and jam, and you get the good stuff. I mean the REALLY good stuff. None of those tiny packets of smuckers jam, but real delicious home made jam.” Tom, with a mouth full of bread looks up and responds
“you know.(munching)Ive always just enjoyed bread… straight up. As it is. Plain. Something about the tang of the yeast just gets me.” He slowly starts to laugh, and i laugh too.
Ryan and I are walking along a bizarre labyrinth of old wooden planks, floating in a swamp. I am towing my snowboard on a little leash. I feel very uneasy. I understand there are dangerous crocs all about. Real man eaters. While walking the ancient planks through the murky swamp, i look down. Through the murky greenish grey water, i can see the whites of the undersides, of a bunch of tiny dead alligators. Floating upside down. I feel something much bigger moving beneath the planks as i continue on, still dragging my snowboard on a leash. From the murky depths, an alligator as big as the one from hook presents himself. His teeth grin, and he snatches up my snowboard with a single munch. It occurs to me that he is after a DNA sequence i have stored in a secret microchip which is located in my pocket. The giant monster jumps out of the water in an instant, with all the fury capible of such a savage beast. Right at the last second i am saved by a giant velocaraptor, who attacks the alligator mid attack (just like the TREX saving the kidz from the raptors in jurassic park.)
I am at the enterance to a shopping mall. I see the face of a girl i have not seen in a long time, though i am prety sure she is real. In this scene i approach her as if we were once lovers. She does not know who i am, and i assure her that we have known each other since 7th grade.
The girl and i are drinking wine in a nice upscale living room, which is lit by candles. The whole vibe is like something from a romantic comedy. A doorbell rings.
I am in my old room at my parents house in chico, and i know there is a burgular outside trying to get in. It is late at night. I spring up to catch the rogue in his tracks. I walk down the quiet hall and see all of my family members in their respective sleeping quarters. Though there is a dinosaur in my parents bed with them, and ryan is sleeping in the hall, spooning the dog. I come to the door and fling it open. All of my friends are outside, and it is daylight.
“you guys its 3 AM my time” i say
James says that he forgot, as its only noon their time. James tells me he is pissed, because he is moving back to LA before i move back to chico. We talk and someone mentions the time ryan and i spent in jail in vietnam. I start remembering how we were in jail, and it wasnt really that bad. Someone shows me some pictures of myself in jail on a digital camera, and then bianca leans in with a watch video of me sitting in jail.
Ryan and I are in jail in vietnam, though its not that bad because we are in the Hip Hop wing. I am sitting on a bed watching TV. Different channels are my previous scenes from this very dream, though i take little notice, except for a sequel to the alligator drea, in which that darned gator is still after my microchip. I remark to woody harrilson that a sequel to gator hunt is coming out. He is lifting weights and doesnt really care.
I am checking out from jail.
i am in a house ive never been to. I am naked. I am in a hallway with lots of doors which lead to single rooms, without windows. girl who is supposedly my sister is in a room looking at herself in a mirror, brushing her hair. She is also naked. I walk to another room, and a girl who i worked with at peets is holding a baby, she is also naked. I walk from room to room and have a series of baffling and insane conversations, as the landscape of the house keeps changing. I keep walking from room to room.
i wake up.